how i learned to love being single (+ why you should too)

2020 20 فوریه
1 959 706 بازدید

instagram ➭ @best.dressed
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twitter ➭ @bestdressed
my second channel ➭
In this sleep deprived girl talk, I talk about how I learned to be happily single and dissect all of the societal + internal pressures I felt to be in a relationship. I originally filmed this the day before Valentines Day for my fellow single ladies so sorry it’s a bit late!
1:38 a note about double standards
2:38 my history + mindset shift through high school, college, and now
5:22 ~let’s dissect my internalized misogyny~ aka analyze the pressure to be in a relationship
5:30 problematic ideals in rom coms
7:26 validation from male attention
11:10 fear of aging
14:48 vicarious success
17:49 slut shaming / stigma around causal sex
20:01 tips for being happy single
dress: thrifted (similar:,
safety pin earrings: i designed them! (
rainy sunday from epidemic sound ➭
partly sunny by joey pecoraro
special thanks to joey pecoraro for allowing me to use his music! check him out on
what’s your name? ashley
what’s your instagram? @best.dressed
how old are you? 21 (born in 1998)
how tall are you? 5'5"
what’s your ethnicity? half british and half burmese
what equipment do you use to film?
➭ main camera: panasonic lumix gh5s (
➭ 12-35mm lens (
➭ mic: rode videomic pro+ (
➭ vlog camera: canon powershot g7x mark ii (
➭ canon m50 (
➭ editing: final cut pro
FTC: Not sponsored. Some of the above links are affiliate links, meaning I earn a small percentage of sales made via those links, but it doesn’t cost you anything extra!

  • Lmao I feel old all the time and I’m 18. I’m afraid of aging like high key.

    Paige HeartlyPaige Heartlyپیش 11 ساعت
  • This is the first time I've been single in 4 years. I have had 3 boyfriends? Long terms ones and in between I would date. However, right now I am taking this time to be single and learn to love and be myself. It feels weird not being on any online dating or flirting with anyone. I definitely realize I need to know what I want. I am only 22 and know that we definitely die alone even if we are married, so why not love ourselves in the process? It's only been a week for me but I made a new friend and she's awesome. I am so excited about this time.

    Samantha FountaineSamantha Fountaineپیش روز
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    skhulile noluthandoskhulile noluthandoپیش 2 روز
  • Oh my god. I relate to this so much that I feel like I'm listening/talking to myself. I love this though. Thank you for sharing!!

    Annalisa AbarquezAnnalisa Abarquezپیش 4 روز
  • Just saw this video. I’m a year late but I have to say you are so amazing. Just turn 31 and new single and feeling so low but your video made me smile and tear up a bit. Paid attention, taking some notes and working on myself. Thank you

    CarolinaCarolinaپیش 4 روز
  • omg you look Very beautiful like the moon

    mary sayedmary sayedپیش 4 روز

    Lanzinho _CLLanzinho _CLپیش 5 روز
  • She is bomb af. I love her realness

    H GilesH Gilesپیش 11 روز
  • you're so funny!

    Amy CajamarcaAmy Cajamarcaپیش 12 روز
  • I am watching this as a newly single woman and it's the best. Thanks Ashley

    Jade SpurkaJade Spurkaپیش 12 روز
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    Ian mak MIan mak Mپیش 12 روز
  • Thank you so much for this video, I'm taking single life by the horns and going to try and find myself 😊

    Sophie ClaysonSophie Claysonپیش 13 روز
  • 14:28

    willow morriswillow morrisپیش 13 روز
  • as for the pressure to have sex: it is on both ways. On some part society wants u to be pure and a virgin, at the same time, society tells u, you're young and should have a lot of sex. If you're in a stable relationship, you're told you're missing out. If you're single, that you should settle down. Whatever we do is wrong.

    TheAntagonistaTheAntagonistaپیش 14 روز
  • i dont know abt the rest of the world, but in my country if u're 15 old girl dating a 20+ yr old guy, is like winning a trophy over here. bc girls feel mature, a woman, admired, suddenly they're on a pedestal bc they got older bf's. the pressure to be in a rs is real. also: ''bc it's natural for women to want marriage and kids.'' Uh no it's a choice, but society tries to brainwash us it's in our dna and our duty, for teh sole purpose to control us.

    TheAntagonistaTheAntagonistaپیش 14 روز
  • ''age gracefully'' totally, i have grey strains in my hair and i gained weight. I dont try to dye my hair or lose weight and put on anti-wrinkles creams on my face and anti stretch marks creamso n my body. Ageing is something natural and normal. Any ageist and bully can try to drag me down, in the menatime they too arent gonna be young forever.

    TheAntagonistaTheAntagonistaپیش 14 روز
  • 36 yr old here, single and childfree by choice. I dont regret my decisions. I'm happy this way. A rs, or marriage w/kids, is not everyone's happy ending, or goals in life. ''but you're feeling lonely'' not at all im an introvert so i enjoy living in solitude. I'd rather go home and watch vids. i'm happy this way. Single life can also be a permanent choice too.

    TheAntagonistaTheAntagonistaپیش 14 روز
  • I'm over 40 and I never knew many of these things even existed. Of course I was a f*cked up teenager, but I think I'm very fortunate to have a somewhat "rebellious" personality and never felt pressured, because I never even cared. It's so sad knowing that many young girls are bending over backwards to fit in, when in reality, there is no point in doing what other people think is the right thing to do. :/

    Susy_ OmegaSusy_ Omegaپیش 15 روز
  • Not me watching this while bawling my eyes out at 3 am after bf broke up with me:/

    Martine Røhr-StaffMartine Røhr-Staffپیش 17 روز
  • Me, asexual and aromantic: t e e h e e

    Maytemei12Maytemei12پیش 17 روز
  • you are so smart and wise, i love u

    sidney bellsidney bellپیش 19 روز
  • thank you so so much for this video. it made me realize so much and im so happy rn

    Cherry loves ChocolateCherry loves Chocolateپیش 19 روز
  • ALSO NO ONE TALKS ABOUT HOW evolutionarily men DO look for younger women who show obvious signs of health and fertility, and women DO look for men with lots of resources and money to support them, but only one of those things has been demonized. Men use the "evolution" excuse for their preferences in women and then refuse women who do the same thing.

    mia mooremia mooreپیش 21 روز
  • I laughed so hard when you said "ooh what a feeling" xD

    SmollrusSmollrusپیش 21 روز
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    Terrence CarmonTerrence Carmonپیش 21 روز
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    Nell EthelNell Ethelپیش 21 روز
  • I dont get why people are so obessesive and judgemental about single or in relationships but in my opinions stay positive and be happy always

    Bro TekaaiBro Tekaaiپیش 24 روز
  • I used to want to know how it feels to be in relationship. I felt the need to be loved by a special someone. I thought that i need to know what is happiness by being in a relationship . I felt the need to confirm that I’m beautiful and likeable by some boy. After a bunch of things that have happened last year, I just find my own happiness. I find myself beautiful, but I still think that i’m not the most beautiful, but I’m satisfied by how i look. Also Beauty is subjective :P. I work mostly on myself as a person and i also take care of my myself (physic and mental health). Now, personally when i see couples around me or couples in movies/tv show, i just find them cute and heartwarming instead of « being jealous » or « needy » of their relationship. :) im still open for a relationship, im not scared to be vulnerable, but im also happy to be single and i like my own person.

    JorakleJorakleپیش 24 روز
  • Amen. Im gonna watch this video until its manifested into my bones. Im turning 29 next wednesday and have exact the same issues until today. I should stop giving a fuck (about guys about all the holding back and all the "what if"s and start living ma liiife 😅🤯😢 (Send help anxiety is kicking in)

    leonie eshleonie eshپیش 24 روز
  • I feel like you just read my entire mind omg.

    Daisy TorresDaisy Torresپیش 24 روز
  • Are you taken now?

    Eric LimEric Limپیش 25 روز

    Sonia AnastasiaSonia Anastasiaپیش 28 روز
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    Barbara WashingtoneBarbara Washingtoneپیش 28 روز
  • she is a rebel. i like her.

    HH BHH Bپیش 29 روز
  • Thank you so much for this advice!

    Aleia JohnsonAleia Johnsonپیش 29 روز
  • I meant to say “aspiring” film maker 😂 IRworld won’t let me edit my comment or comment on it 😆 (i wish I was an ‘inspiring’ film maker! I don’t currently make films but some day 🤞)

    Bianca RowenaBianca Rowenaپیش 29 روز
  • pls upload more videos how is your life on newyork so far

    Gisele KittyGisele Kittyپیش ماه
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    Alexa MillerAlexa Millerپیش ماه
  • What you said about life being like a sitcom, not a romcom really resonated with me, especially since I would only be at the end of season one, it honestly made me feel so much better because I’ve had trouble meeting someone who actually makes me excited to be with THEM specifically, and not just excited to be in a relationship period. It’s just so hard to find someone who’s worth it ;-;

    ZEOZEOپیش ماه
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    Alexa MillerAlexa Millerپیش ماه
  • zommy... 🤦‍♀️

    Erikah VanegasErikah Vanegasپیش ماه
    • hahaha

      Erikah VanegasErikah Vanegasپیش ماه
  • i need a second part of this video. you're the best

    Raisa LópezRaisa Lópezپیش ماه
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    Ollie MogleOllie Mogleپیش ماه
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    Franklin GreenFranklin Greenپیش ماه
  • Thank you for this video, Ashley. It really hits right now.

    Morgan WalmsleyMorgan Walmsleyپیش ماه
  • Hi this video was literally everything to me thank you ily

    AidanFinchAidanFinchپیش ماه
  • I don't have to learn to be single, I'm immune to it now cause I've never be in a relationship 😂😂😂

    AwenisvloggingAwenisvloggingپیش ماه
  • Just because you like being single that don't mean everybody wants to be single

    julius castrojulius castroپیش ماه
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    jade segrillojade segrilloپیش ماه
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    awamleh Abdulawamleh Abdulپیش ماه
  • not me watching this again for like the 6th time

    cloomoocloomooپیش ماه
  • Thank you so much, Ashley 💜💜💜

    Fiorella EspinozaFiorella Espinozaپیش ماه
  • i feel like,, as much as i love the intense feelings and intimacy of relationships i kind of don't want that. i've learnt that i absolutely cannot trust myself when i have feelings for someone, and that i will not make any rational or beneficiary choices whatsoever. falling in love seems scary cuz i would like to be in control of my own life and apparently cant do that when im involved with someone else. lol

    vivennvivennپیش ماه
  • thank you so much for the reminder to go out on dates with myself!1 ((': been so sad and lonely and I thought I have no reason to go out if no one wants to go with me... now I can't wait to dress up again for myself!

    ace angace angپیش ماه
  • did she just said Gang Hou? 3:58

    ace angace angپیش ماه
  • Thank you for this video!!!!

    Fabiana JordãoFabiana Jordãoپیش ماه
  • I keep going back to this video when I need to be reminded about the ups of being single, thank you

    cinthya manciacinthya manciaپیش ماه
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    황현지황현지پیش ماه
  • "it puts all this pressure on such a narrow part of your life, to grasp all this male attention and feel like you exist, before you disappear into the shadows"

    Freya ColeFreya Coleپیش ماه
  • This might be an odd thing to say (I haven't watched the whole vid yet), but I really appreciate you openly joking/talking abt sex. I feel like I don't hear a lot of women or female bodied ppl talk or joke abt sex and I didn't really realize until I started watching ur vids! And it honestly makes me feel more relaxed like you're a real person idk (this was supposed to be a compliment).

    GrimseijiGrimseijiپیش ماه
  • Wat İ thougt only boys want to be single

    Roblox TheKingRoblox TheKingپیش ماه
  • it's fun when you have money and can do everything you want

    Mary MikhailMary Mikhailپیش ماه
  • I miss your videos

    Alejandra RodriguezAlejandra Rodriguezپیش ماه
  • My things is I've liked the same guy for 5 years idk why I still like him it just keeps coming back every so often so I've been trying to get over him 🙃🙃🙃

    your goblin friendyour goblin friendپیش ماه
  • Well I've been always single and I'm 24 y

    Flaveurs Du MarocFlaveurs Du Marocپیش ماه
  • This. This is exactly what I needed.You're totally right about how the film industry and the society think and preach about this matter! Love you

    Pallavi SinhaPallavi Sinhaپیش ماه
  • Preach it!!

    nosoynadaoriginalnosoynadaoriginalپیش ماه
  • you remind me of all the good parts of riley matthews

    sophsconfusedsophsconfusedپیش ماه
  • i relate so hard with the reddit thing really affects me sometime but i don't go there anymore,so no prob

    kiyakiyaپیش ماه
  • the way i neeeeeeeeded to hear this. omg I felt this on a soulllll level😩🤚🏾

    SimplySandyVlogsSimplySandyVlogsپیش ماه
  • Oh girl, I see myself in you soo much and same time I needed that! I'm currently after my first breakup (well there was couple already but with the same guy lmao) and even though my whole life I was single now I wanna learn AGAIN how to like being single, because of course after a relationship you need to settle down everything again. My first relationship (and last) I had when I was 21, so for some people it would be considered as "old virgin" and I kind of felt that pressure. I wanted to already put a "check ☑" on my experience list lmao. I rented a room and then I met ✨ him ✨ - 8 years older flatmate who fell in love with me from s first sight, but I didn't. With a time I liked the fact I got an attention and that first person in my life called me "sexy" (not cute or sth) so with my high desire to have boyfriend and sex my brain all of the sudden said "yeah, you like him" so I got into the relationship. Eventually I fell in love with him but I also knew.. Something is wrong and this is not what I really wanted. With a time our relationship became toxic and I was emotionally abused by him but well.. We're living together (unfortunately still) so we have to get along well. It was extremely hard to get out of this relationship that's why we had many break ups and coming backs. But at one point I put myself on the first place, work on my self worth and this made me stronger and to think that I deserve better. I don't regret that relationship cuz it showed me what I DON'T WANT and in the future I'll be more conscious with red flags, etc. I'm also excited about the future! And now I'm also excited I'm free to meet new people, maybe just for one night stand. I wanna get that experience ❤️ so I'm learning again how to love being single and how to love myself more, and I believe that's actually a key for a good, healthy relationship - put yourself first, set your boundaries, be conscious of your worth and then the right partner will come ❤️

    TaequilityTaequilityپیش ماه
  • Why can't I like this more than once? This is the exact video I needed right now!!

    Julie MorganJulie Morganپیش ماه
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    Charlie WilliamsCharlie Williamsپیش ماه
  • I love this little film so much!! It kept my interest every single second of it. I love how you are able to tell important things and film them in such a catching way! I'm in awe!

    PremchikPremchikپیش ماه
  • “iM nOt lIkE oTHeR giRlS..” It’s messed up. Not to be too much of a feminist, but why is there a “not like other boys” thing? How come being a sterotypical girl is worse than being a sterotypical boy?

    HelloHelloپیش ماه
    • They're called "Nice Guys" or "Simps"

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    Nike BoyzNike Boyzپیش ماه
  • "Don't settle being a love interest. You're still the protagonist of your own life even though you're going through a rocky time right now"

    monic !monic !پیش ماه
  • Can we just be friends?

    ghadah faisalghadah faisalپیش ماه
  • I decided yesterday I will be single and I hate men. Congratulate me.

    niconicoپیش ماه
  • IRworld reccomended this at the perfect time

    AnnaAnnaپیش ماه
  • We got to be honest getting old does suck from watching our skin get wrinkly and spotty to how our body doesn't function the way it used to should it's very depressing

    Veero ACVeero ACپیش ماه
  • I am 47 and I so wish that I trusted myself as much as you do at 21. I knew that marriage was not what I wanted to do but I did it anyway for fear of being wrong and dying lonely and bitter. I am so appreciative of the life I am living now, post marriage. I do appreciate the lessons that I learned over the ten years I was married. Still, it didn't have to happen and I am so happy and proud of you for sharing this message. For anyone who needs confirmation that the single life can be your best life, trust me. The grass on this side of the fence is fantastic.

    Stheno DumaStheno Dumaپیش ماه
  • Lol how i found this video on valentines day😂

    trusfrated armytrusfrated armyپیش ماه
  • Me watching this video rn on valentines day lmao

    Shea LavariasShea Lavariasپیش 2 ماه
  • im watching this again an year later, because guess what day it is tomorrow :D

    marinamarinaپیش 2 ماه
  • I think this generation of woman is making better choices & marrying for the right reasons. When you marry because of a timeline or pressures from family, friends & society it doesn't last. I know this because the divorce rate in the past has been significantly higher! Your beautiful, smart & very much capable of getting man or husband! So be proud that you are single ONLY because you refuse to settle for less! 💕

    Pinkbeauty RosePinkbeauty Roseپیش 2 ماه
  • me: *scrolls through tinder with the video in my ears*

    Mia RadovMia Radovپیش 2 ماه
  • Watching this again to feel good about myself and not because it’s valentines day tomorrow 😌

    W-441 Tibes TriziaW-441 Tibes Triziaپیش 2 ماه
  • Uh... First tip: 👀👀

    Valerie BartzValerie Bartzپیش 2 ماه
  • Just got out of my first relationship and me rediscovering this video couldn't be more timely. I love your channel and how honest it feels. You make me feel not alone, which I really need right now.

    Khristian RachelleKhristian Rachelleپیش 2 ماه
  • Hey Ashley! Would you make a video on how you felt after you moved from Maryland to LA? I recently moved from a small town to a city and honestly it's so freaking hard!

    Anwesha KashyapAnwesha Kashyapپیش 2 ماه
  • I got a tinder advert right before this video started 😂

    TjmTjmپیش 2 ماه
  • Oh look, a white worshipper is having a hard time and decided to be single

    Tidder TTidder Tپیش 2 ماه
  • “Biology baby” 🤣😂

    Michelle SunMichelle Sunپیش 2 ماه
  • Harry Styles cheated on me with Olivia 🥺 I just realized That I existed to him from my dreams. That’s why I came to this video

    First LastFirst Lastپیش 2 ماه
  • I do believe your point about not letting those around you dictate your life when your single is important. I have gained more independence after high school when i didn't have to worry about 'sociak pressure' of my classmates. Nowadays im just tryna do me. I hope most of my peers are. I was scared to enter a relationship and to a degree i still am because i feel that i have such a toxic relationship with my self that i would just poison any relationship i have been a part of. But im a young man recovering from child abuse , most young people recoving from abuse will have a troublesome phase of 'cleansing' i guess you can call it that... but ive been single all my life for this reason and no biggy. I realize now that i am still becoming my true self, my true cleansed, mature self. Im only 25 i have ,y whole life ahead of me. Thanks for the video a lot of great points here and there.

    Injustice Anywhere Threatens Justice EverywhereInjustice Anywhere Threatens Justice Everywhereپیش 2 ماه
  • We single people are Awesome 🤩 and whole, anyone that happens to come are way just add to it. I like to just keep busy & not even think of it enjoying my days the way they are. 💙 my motto “No such thing as my other half”.

    Sun ShineSun Shineپیش 2 ماه
  • I love you so much! I feel like were friends (I would sell my shoul to be ur friend btw )

    Mariana MMariana Mپیش 2 ماه
  • Plz can you do a podcast 😭🙏

    anhanhپیش 2 ماه
  • Zommyyyyy 😂😂

    YourArtSenpaiYourArtSenpaiپیش 2 ماه